and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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