Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
