He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
