At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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