If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
