The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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