I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
