Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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