He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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