Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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