This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
