Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
