random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
