If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
