oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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