I think scott just propositioned me for sex
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
