Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
