hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
