its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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