to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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