i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
