Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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