You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
