Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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