Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
