I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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