How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
