Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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