she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
