I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
