just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
