i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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