Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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