Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
