I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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