oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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