There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
