Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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