Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
