Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I sprained my soul last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
