it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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