my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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