This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
