I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
