So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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