Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
