Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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