its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
