He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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