dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
