we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
