peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
