I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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