Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
