he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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